Cambridge Dictionary says: Fear = an unpleasant emotion or thought that you have when you are frightened or worried by something dangerous, painful, or bad that is happening or might happen.
Stress = great worry caused by a difficult situation,
Let us go through a similar conversation as we read in our previous post. However, this time the conversation is between two close friends who are planning to get married.
The below described scenario is a very simple where most of the youngsters might have experienced at-least once.
About the Roles:
Vidhya - A Civil Engineer Graduate working in a Government Company for last one and half year.
Ravi - Final Year Engineering Student. { Who got placed in Apple Company in Bangalore }
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It is 4:00 P.M. of 31st Oct 2017
Ravi, who is in quick term gap for a week, is waiting near the entrance of Prasadz Multiplex for his love. Being Monday it is always tough for any working person to leave early from Office and the same is for Vidhya.
Ravi waved hand at her when she was stepping out of Auto Rickshaw. And he went till entrance gate of the Multiplex to receive his love.
“Kya huva Madam ji, you called me so urgently from college.” asked Ravi eagerly by placing his left hand over her shoulder and drawing her closer to his body.
Vidhya with her left hand took away his hand softly and said, “We are in public darling!!!”
“This sounds very new to me dear. It seems my lady had a bad day at Office today?” said Ravi by doing the same act again.
She reacted to it by walking briskly and then sat on top row of the entrance steps and said firmly, “I’m fine!” and then quickly changed her tone and said softly, “My dear sweet heart. Why don’t we sit here and chat for some time. It’s been so long that we met face to face.”
Ravi got puzzled for a second by her act and did as per her wish.
They just stared at the nature for few minutes till rain intervened their present status quo which forced them to pass the security and get inside the multiplex.
“Which movie shall we go dear” asked Ravi while running over the pamphlet of ‘This Weeks Movie’.
She didn’t respond but just pretended to get lost in the surroundings.
“Sweety, I think this movie list might not impress you. Can we go for a short 4DX movie. Are you in the game with me?”
Still she pretended to get lost in the surroundings and started walking towards the food court.
Ravi followed from her behind. She simply ordered “1 Caffe Latte Large Please” and then sat on the sofa.
Ravi lost his all cool and sat fierce fully beside her and drew her face towards him with his both hands and shouted, “What-sup to you!!! Do you think I have travelled 700 odd miles from college to have this experience??? What do you want to convey to me?? Why don’t you speak up to me?”
“Your Caffe Latte Large Ma’am” said the server by placing the coffee on the table with a smile and then he quickly passed to his counter.
She took the coffee mug slowly, enjoyed the aroma of the coffee and started to have the coffee sip-by-sip.
Ravi lost his temper again and said, “Miss Vidhya!!!, I’m leaving right now. This is high disrespect for a future Apple Employee”. Saying this he put his iPhone in his left pocket and briskly walked away to the exit of the mall.
She responded to his behaviour by enjoying the coffee. By the time she finished having the final sip of coffee Ravi returned again silently and sat beside her.
“Darling!!! What happened? Why are you doing like this? Did I do anything in aberration that has lost belief in me? (or) Are you getting MARRIED??? For god sake why don’t you speak up.” said Ravi in a normal voice.
“My Dear Sweet Heart!!! You looked soo panic and worried and seems to be stressed out. Calm down. What did I do??” Replied Vidhya
“What!!!!” replied Ravi with wide opened eyes and continued, “Of course your behaviour is creating a confusion for me which is leading to stress.”
“Why are you getting stressed for my behaviour?”
“I’m unable to understand how you are behaving. It is getting difficult to decipher what point you are trying to make.” said Ravi.
“I didn’t get my answer Sweety. I think I asked you the wrong question. What makes you ‘more stressed’ now. Are you saying is it my behaviour or something else.” replied Vidhya calmly by seeing his eyes and continued, “I know you are intelligent enough to know how your subconscious thinking works.”
“Are you saying that the reason for stress is my own thought process???” replied Ravi annoyingly.
“Give a thought for some time my dear. Okie let me help you on this. What happens just before to you when you experience severe stress.” Vidhya replied to Ravi by getting up from the CCD Sofa.
Ravi did the same and they both started walking together.
“Hmmm… A series of thoughts or assumptions or visualisations in my brain on future consequent actions based on your current state of behaviour.” responded Ravi as if he is recollecting the images of thoughts from his brain.
“That’s why I love you darling. And you made your honest point. Let us take your point little forward. What makes your brain to quickly construct the future consequent actions.”
“To be more honest with you as of now I thought that your marriage got fixed and you have accepted it.”
Vidhya laughed loudly and now she drew him closer to her body by keeping her right hand on his shoulder.
“Sorry for the act played. But I will explain you the reason soon once we complete this discussion.” said Vidhya.
Vidhya continued,”Why did you think that my marriage got fixed?”
As the rain got stopped both them passed the other side of the gate and started walking towards N.T.R. Gardens.
Ravi regained his lost coolness and replied, “You have been saying from last four months that there is a pressure from your home on your marriage.”
“Yes of course. It is still there. Okie, on a negative side what will happen if I get married to some one else?”
“Vidhya, I request you not to say this at least in your dreams. I cannot loose you and I cannot think my life without you.” said Ravi.
“So…” responded Vidhya immediately.
“I cannot loose. That’s it. PERIOD.” replied Ravi strongly.
“Can I conclude that the reason for your act is ‘fear of loosing me from your life’”, responded Vidhya.
”I think so”.
“If so, after your campus placement in the month of May. Why you couldn’t convey about our love to your parents. Where you have promised me exactly an year back here at the same place. Are you able to recollect it darling”. responded Vidhya.
With a blank and thoughtful mind Ravi along with Vidhya sat on a bench in N.T.R. Gardens.
It is 5:10 P.M. of 31st Oct 2017
“To boost your confidence Ravi. I have told you many times that it will take me 4 more years to reach your offered CTC. Haven’t I? Also, I have never forced for a marriage, but due to our age difference I have been pushing you on that, such that our elders will converse soon. Didn’t I.”
Ravi gave a deep thought and sigh, “Now, I understand the reason for my 700 KM Travel. I definitely owe an explanation to you.”
He took a deep breath and continued,
“I’m afraid of my father. On top of that our age gap keep my mouth shut whenever I tried to initiate the conversation on the similar lines.”
“Who doesn’t have fear of explaining his love to their parents it is an universal fear for all the lovers. However, most the best love marriages occur when lovers manage the both fears successfully and convince their elders. Am I Right.” responded Vidhya.
And again continued,
“As per my understanding you have two fears which is splitting you apart which is causing you severe stress.
Fear of loosing me
Fear of loosing parents { Like loosing their respect or something else }
which of course happens for most of the lovers.”
Vidhya then turned her head to his side and took her both hands and tilted his head to her side as well and kissed him. And then she continued,
“Now, I have a strong belief in my future Apple Company Employee that you can manage your both fears and make the best act that benefits all of us.” she smiled and got up and departed with a hug.
Ravi sat on the same bench and started to think seriously about his next actions & steps.
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Foot Note:
F.E.A.R. { Not about Conditional Fear }
An underrated feeling which is the root cause of our survival as well as failures and etc.;
A Balance of Managing the FEAR is utmost necessary to avoid stress and its related activities.
1) If we couldn’t be afraid, we wouldn’t survive for long. We’d be walking into oncoming traffic, stepping off of rooftops and carelessly handling poisonous snakes.
2) If we are too much afraid we get severe stress and frustrated and consequent actions occur.
A Gallup Poll conducted in 2005 reveals the most common fears of teenagers in the United States. The top 10 list goes like this:
a) Terrorist attacks
b) Spiders
c) Death
d) Failure
e) War
f) Heights
g) Crime/Violence
h) Being alone
i) The future
j) Nuclear war
UnderstandingOurFear & Learning about it helps us to keep a check on our health…